Are you exasperating your children?

I'm a dad of two young children, a three-year-old boy who has been described by his "Gaga" as "butt-stubborn," and a three-month-old girl.  And as a dad of young kids, my go-to Scripture verse--the first our son memorized--is Colossians 3:20: "Children, obey your parents in all things, for this is well pleasing to the Lord" (NKJV).  However, Paul immediately admonishes dads: "Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged" (3:21).

There is, in other words, a way for parents (and the Bible especially warns dads) to demand obedience in such a way that will provoke them to anger and leave them exasperated, embittered, and discouraged.

I don't know how you as a dad (or any parent) fall into this trap.  But trust me, you do.  "We all stumble in many ways" (James 3:2).  Have you been praying that God would show you how you are demanding obedience in such a way as to discourage your kids?  Perhaps it will help to show how I do:

1. Do you react to disobedience quickly in anger?  Rather than being "quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry" (James 1:19 NIV), I often discipline my son in reactionary anger.  I don't wait to calmly talk with him about how he disobeyed so that he recognizes his offense and then understands the consequence accordingly.  This scares him because in the moment I am far harsher than I otherwise would be.  Fear doesn't create a place where he will listen.  As James continues, "Man's anger does not produce the righteous life God desires" (James 1:20 NIV).
2. Do you use harsh tones of voice?  "A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger" (Proverbs 15:1).
3. Do you assume your child is doing something wrong?  There have been many times where, knowing my son's track record, I interpret an action of his as disobedient, crafty, or mean-spirited, when the truth reveals it was something altogether different. I have often told my son to not go into the fridge by himself.  So when he opened the fridge a few days ago, I assumed he was disobeying.  It turns out that Mommy had asked him to get something for her.  I need to be "quick to listen" and fully investigate situations first, as God did at Sodom and Gomorrah (Genesis 18:20-21).
4. Do you demand perfect obedience with no room for grace?  Psalm 103:9 says that God "will not always chide."  Do you nag and get on your kids for every single thing they do out of step?  Some days I'm like this for sure.  It makes even me feel tired and discouraged.
5. Do you fail to accommodate changes in your kids' environment?  Our son's behavior degrades when he is tired, hungry, or has had a change in routine.  God does expect us to do right all the time regardless of our circumstances.  But there's a level at which we must understand and approach our children as fellow humans prone to weakness.  "As a father shows compassion to his children, so the LORD shows compassion to those who fear him.  For he knows our frame; he remembers that we are dust" (Psalm 103:13-14).  Fathers are supposed to know that their kids are weak!
6. Do you choose words that belittle your children?  I have often used words like, "How many times do I have to tell you ...?" or "This is the third time you've done this today!"  Talking this way can make the child feel like a worthless, incapable dolt.  Jesus warned that everyone who through insults degrades another's personhood and value is liable to the fires of hell (Matthew 5:21-22).  The better way is to simply acknowledge each separate act of disobedience without piling up a burdensome tally.  After all, love "keeps no record of wrongs" (1 Corinthians 13:5 NIV).
7. Do you speak over your children's heads?  I often orate my son with such long and complex explanations of his behavior and what is right and yadayadayada that even I get lost in my train of thought.  The kid is barely potty trained!  This doesn't leave our children with a clear understanding of what to do and what not to do.
8. Do you discipline before a child is fully trained so as to know right from wrong?  God gave his people his written word because all Scripture is "profitable ... for training in righteousness" (2 Timothy 3:16), and fathers are to "train up a child in the way he should go" (Proverbs 22:6).  God's Torah (instruction) was laid down for centuries through the priests and prophets of the old covenant before God's patience reached its limit and he sent them into exile.

When you realize these faults in yourself as a dad, remember that this is part of God's own fatherly care (Hebrews 12:5-11).  God has compassion on those who fear him and pardons all our iniquities through the blood of his Son Jesus (Psalm 103).  One of the best ways to show the reality of this good news to your kids is to go to them, explain how you sinned against God and also against them, and ask their forgiveness.  Then pray together, asking God for his pardon, trusting and thanking him for reconciling us to himself through Jesus, not counting our trespasses against us (2 Corinthians 5:19), and asking him to restore the relationship between you and your children (Malachi 4:6)--for we parents need Jesus' salvation just as much as they do.

Of Bills and Babies: Hope for Parents Concerned about Money

Good news: Olivia is pregnant with our second child, due in November!

Of course, this leads me to always wonder how on earth we're going to support a second (or someday third, fourth, ... ) child.  This would require some major restructuring of our work situations, child care, etc.  God clearly has something up his sleeve for us in the future.  (Frankly, I hope it's money for a heat pump.  Two hundred dollars per month for heating oil is killer.)

But to still my anxious heart, God has lovingly been reminding me of Psalm 37:25-26 again and again.  Not that I ever intentionally memorized it, but it has somehow come to my memory almost every day for the past few weeks:

I have been young, and now am old,
     yet I have not seen the righteous forsaken
     or his children begging for bread.
He is ever lending generously,
     and his children become a blessing.

What a blessing!  To know that somehow, some way, God will always provide for us what we need.  I mean, how many families do you see at Walmart where a single, working mom is towing a whole flock of youngsters?  Sure, God's idea of "what we need" might not intersect with our ideas of comfort or convenience.  But when the goal of our life is the enjoy and glorify our Maker and Sustainer, those "c-words" are only added graces.  So I might not have any clue what our life will someday look like, or how he will provide, but I need to choose to trust that God will be faithful to us and look after our family--better and more lavishly than we could imagine (1 Corinthians 2:9).

You may ask, "Andrew, how do you know you're one of 'the righteous'?"  Fair enough--a good look at my life might reveal a whole lot that isn't close to righteous.  But in the Bible, the "righteous" aren't the perfect people, but those who recognize their sinful brokenness and humbly cling to God and follow his ways the best that they can.  And today that means trusting in Jesus, whose perfect sonship and obedience is credited to everyone who hopes in and follows after him.

For additional thought: 2 Corinthians 9:6-11; Philippians 4:10-20.

Those Who Sow in Tears Shall Reap with Shouts of Joy

Do you worry over your child's anger and behavioral failures, fearing he will be ruined by them, or that you are failing him as a parent?  What would it be like instead to rejoice in his failings as tools in God's hands to pave the way toward an infinitely brighter future?

Our 23-month-old son Ephraim has developed a recent fascination with blankets.  This evening he tried picking up the blanket my on which my wife was sitting.  When he was unable to do it, he protested vociferously.  Then he tried jumping off the coffee table onto the couch, but he couldn't bridge the gap, which sent him spiraling downward even further.  Exhausted and hungry, he proceeded into a bleary-eyed, wailing tantrum that would last about twenty minutes.

After I took him upstairs for "time out" in his crib, I prayed with him.  At first I asked God to be near to him and give him the ability to calm down because, as John Piper points out, anger "devours almost all other good emotions" and "numbs the heart to joy and gratitude and hope and tenderness and compassion and kindness."*

But then I thought, maybe I shouldn't pray for that.  So instead I began to pray, "God, in times like this when Ephraim can't control his own anger and emotions and tantrums, let him see his own desperate condition.  Let him see that he cannot restrain his feelings and the chaos that floods over him.  Let him see both your forgiveness for him in the cross and also how much he needs the power of the Holy Spirit inside him to give him peace and the ability to calm down."

This was really freeing.  As I thought about it over the evening, I gained a small bit of parenting freedom.  I've been reading through the book of Proverbs recently, which is mostly a book of how fathers should train their children in wise living in fear of the Lord.  Proverbs says that children who grow up to be unruly, disobedient, and unwise are "fools."  And of course I never want my son to be foolish or to be ruled by his desires (which is what anger reveals; see James 4:1-3).  But more than I want him to be "good," I want him to know and receive the goodness of Jesus Christ.  I want him to see how needy and sinful and evil his heart is, and that his outbursts reveal both how selfish his desires are and how he is mastered by his own desires--and that through this his only hope, and his sure hope, is the grace of God in Jesus.

I pray that God will keep this in my mind as the years go by.  Instead of fretting over every tantrum and display of self-will, I want them to become signposts confirming to him his need for Christ and the grace God offers to the humble.  I want to know that the more Ephraim sins--as atrocious as this is--the more cause there will be for him to crave the unfailing love of God.  "With weeping they shall come, and with pleas of mercy I will lead them back, ... for I am a father to Israel, and Ephraim is my firstborn" (Jeremiah 31:9).
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*John Piper, This Momentary Marriage (Wheaton, Ill.: Crossway Books, 2009) p. 150.

Nothing Can Hinder the Lord

This week I was talking with some other dads at our church about how difficult it is to rear our children to understand both grace and law.  We all recognized this is a tough tightrope to walk!  After all, nearly every New Testament letter was occasioned by either too much reliance on the law (human behaviors and efforts) or a perversion of grace into a license to sin or to live a lax life.  Both errors fail to do justice to the cross of Jesus.

Of course, this concern is even broader than understanding the gospel.  Any honest parent, I'm sure, would be led to some worries about whether they're doing a good job raising their kids rightly in all aspects of wise living.

But thank God I was reminded of this simple truth that evening: The God who gave us children in the first place, the God who has put authority and responsibility into parents' hands, who is himself a loving Father--it is this God who cares more about our children than we do!  He cares more about their faith and salvation than we ever will.  He is the one who designed his great saving plan and sent his Son to die for sinners, at great cost to himself.  He is the one who sends his Spirit to open the eyes of the blind to see the light of Christ's glory (2 Corinthians 4:4, 6).  He is the one who finds immense joy in recovering his lost sheep (Luke 15:3-7).  He is the one who delights in wisdom (Proverbs 8:30; 3 John 4).  As the Westminster Confession of Faith reminds us*, God uses our best efforts to rear our children in the way of the Lord Jesus without exasperating them (Ephesians 6:4), but he is not confined by how well we do.  After all, he is the one who, in his wisdom, has entrusted the passing of his covenant to the next generation into the hands of finite, weak sinners, and so he too will provide amazing grace to see that his purposes for our children are fulfilled.  Why are we sitting there looking at ourselves?  No wonder we have fears about parenting.

"Come, let us go ... .  It may be that the LORD will work for us, for nothing can hinder the LORD from saving by many or by few" (1 Samuel 14:6).
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* "God, in His ordinary providence, makes use of means, yet is free to work without, above, and against them, at His pleasure." (5:3)

The Father's Day Gospel

Father's Day provides an annual chance to awkwardly think about why you love your dad.  But what if you are the dad?  Do you start shifting in your chair, wondering if you're doing a good job?  What if you fall short?

Maybe you're a dad who worships the living God and reads the Bible.  What would you do if you came across these passages in the Old Testament?

"You shall have no other gods before me. ... You shall not bow down to them or serve them; for I the LORD your God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me, but showing steadfast love to the thousandth generation of those who love me and keep my commandments." (Deuteronomy 5:7, 9-10) 

"And the LORD said to me, '... Oh that they had such a heart as this always, to fear me and keep my commandments, that it might go well with them and with their descendants forever!'" (Deuteronomy 5:29)

The Old Testament is rife with examples of poor fathers raising foolish children who don't fear the Lord, and of how indeed the sin of fathers consumes their whole families.  (Take, for example, the families of Korah, Dathan, and Abiram in Numbers 16, or the sons of Eli in 1 Samuel 2!)  God works in and through family relationships throughout the Bible, and for the most part, families rise and fall on the faith of the father who leads the home.

So when we as fathers read these passages about the God who is "the same yesterday and today and forever," how can we have good hope for our children after us?  How can we be sure we will raise a wise family who repent of their sins and embrace Jesus, who fear and trust God and call him Father?  How will we know we will see his blessing upon our households rather than curses?  After all, does not God threaten to return fathers' sins upon their children's heads?

Gladly Being Spent

[Wow.  Blogging again.  At least this once, anyway.]

Today as Olivia and I were planning out our daily schedule, taking advantage of a day off work due to some snow and late-night ice, I realized that her plans to get an allergy shot and go shopping with a friend from work would ax my plans to go running around the golf course.  (Getting pegged in the head by a stray golf ball is not something I generally like to risk, so I rejoiced to think that no one would be out on the links today.)  After all, I had to stay home and take care of our year-old son Ephraim.

I was in a sort of funk for a while after that, which I now attribute to the selfishness of my own heart.  While Olivia was getting ready to leave, I commented on how I really find it hard sometimes to see children from God the Creator's point of view: that they are an unqualified blessing.  "And God blessed Noah and his sons and said to them, 'Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth'" (Genesis 9:1; cf. 1:28).  "Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb a reward. ... Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them!" (Psalm 127:3, 5; see also Psalm 128).  Let's face it: we have it easy.  Neither of us is a single parent, and we only have one child, who sleeps probably 16 hours a day.  And yet how often all I think about is how having a child limits my freedoms and ease of living.  I might be anti-abortion, yet I still functionally imbibe the zeitgeist that unlimited convenience trumps the challenges of raising children.

Then, as usual, God's Word exposed the thoughts and intentions of my heart and found them wanting and selfish.  Yay, I love that.  In 2 Corinthians 12:14-15 Paul sets forth a different attitude for parenting to his "children" at Corinth:

And I will not be a burden, for I seek not what is yours but you.  For children are not obligated to save up for their parents, but parents for their children.  I will most gladly spend and be spent for your souls. If I love you more, am I to be loved less?

As a father, my chief aim should be to love my son the way God loves us in Christ, pursuing us to win our hearts: "What I seek is ... you."  Am I seeking Ephraim's love, trust, and respect so that I can point him to the Father above who loves him far more than I ever will?  Or is my desire and prize to go running, explore the woods, sleep more, have a clean apartment, or watch Parks and Recreation?

And in that pursuit am I joyfully giving up everything I have and expending myself, just like Jesus did for me? "Though he was rich, yet for your sake he became poor, so that you by his poverty might become rich" (2 Corinthians 8:9).  Jesus gladly "emptied himself" of all his freedoms and lived each day in a death to comfort, self-will, and independence in order to win back the hearts of God's straying children (Philippians 2:5-11).  Will I too do this for my son by sacrificing my plans, my free time, my convenience, and my sleep and spending these to serve and care for him?

Thankfully, all of this came to me while Ephraim was taking a nap.  When he awoke, God gave me so much happiness as I picked him up, fed him, changed his stinky diaper, and danced with him to Caedmon's Call's 40 Acres album.  Thanks, Lord, for my little boy, and every moment with him.  He's growing up so quickly, and these days will soon be only photos and memories.

Slow to Become Angry

"My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires." (James 1:19-20 NIV)

When I read this in the epistle of James, I stopped: thoughts flooded my head about why I'm so often an idiot.  Then I thanked God for teaching me that if I respond to my son or my students out of unbridled anger rather than cool, premeditated discipline, it will never yield true righteousness and character.  There are three reasons for this.

1) Spontaneous anger reacts out of my own offense or having my immediate desires thwarted.  Its origin is not in the sin of my child or students trespassing against God's own righteousness and the standard he calls us to.  Human anger erupts when I, not God, feel offended or betrayed or disrespected.  All parental or teacherly authority may well be delegated and commissioned by God, but our concern must be reverence for the Lord, which will lead to reverence for his authorities and shepherds on earth.

2) Spontaneous anger does not train someone in what is truly righteous before God's eyes because it is capricious and unpredictable.  Rather than setting up a consistent pattern of expectations based on the spirit of the law and communication about it, with consistent discipline to enforce it, what provokes anger changes by my mood at the moment.  If I'm already having a bad day, a small slight may trigger an overly severe reaction from me when what was needed was simply to ask a question about the person's actions and attitudes.

When a child doesn't consistently know what is right or wrong or what consequences to expect, he may grow to cower in fear of his angry, vindictive parents.  He learns to fear man rather than to fear the Lord.

3) Being quick to speak and quick to become angry rather than taking time to listen to a child will inevitably fail to shepherd his heart toward an internalization of his need for the gospel.  He never learns why his behaviors are wrong, nor what beliefs, attitudes, or desires led him to act a certain way in the first place.  All he knows is that he did something daddy didn't approve of.  A good father asks questions and spends time with in conversations with his children.  His desire is, "My son, give me your heart" (Proverbs 23:26).  An embittered or unapproachable father will never win his child's trust and confidence.  At best the child will learn only to avoid certain behaviors because he knows they'll provoke his parents' ire.  As time goes on, when his parents see happy and placated, both the child and his parents will become content with a thin veneer of goodness when inside he has no lasting godly character.  Why?  Because that's exactly what his parents trained him for.  And as soon as he is free from their presence and out on his own, he will only let loose all that was kept inside.

Furthermore, a hot temper and a lack of loving, earnest conversation fail to embody grace to the child.  The parent may take the child to church every week and sing hymns in praise of him who is "merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness" (Exodus 34:6).  Yet the child may never believe or receive God's grace because his parents don't really understand it either.  The gospel is given lip service around the home, but the child learns that it isn't something real and potent enough to make a difference in his relationship with his parents.  As he grows, the child becomes further entrenched in a life of external piety and works-righteousness rather than falling on his knees in awe of the all-forgiving, all-consuming, tender lovingkindness of God (Psalm 103).

B.O.C.

Back in high school, some of the guys in the preppy ski-bum crowd had this phrase, "B.O.C." -- ballin' outta control.  Well, our son Ephraim seems to have picked up on it, except now he's bawlin' outta control.  This kid cries all. the. time.

If I sleep in more than one-hour stretches, it's a good night.  On Sunday night I got a whopping two-and-a-half hours total.  In order to alleviate Ephraim's madness, our pediatrician has put Olivia on a strict no-dairy diet.  (You'd be amazed how seemingly everything contains some kind of milk protein!)

Not coincidentally, I read 1 Corinthians 13 last week.  I definitely have a context for learning that "Love is patient and kind. ... Love is not irritable or resentful. ... Love bears all things, ... endures all things."

So just to spare you an angry look, in case you're another one to ask us, "Are you loving every minute of it [being a parent]?"  The answer is No.  We love our son, but we don't love parenting.  But that doesn't really matter, because it wasn't our choice anyway.

Moms, Kids, and Covenantal Nurture

I found this post today and found it really encouraging for parents like me hoping to bring our children to Christ.

Fathers, Do Not Provoke Your Children to Anger ...

"Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord." (Ephesians 6:4)

A lot has been written about Paul's exhortation to raise our children "in the nurture and admonition of the Lord" (KJV).  (For an excellent book on this, read Shepherding a Child's Heart by Tedd Tripp.)  But I hear very little about what it means to not provoke our children to anger.  And since they're set in contrast to one another--that is, godly discipline and instruction must somehow be the opposite of parenting that exasperates children--we cannot do the one if we don't understand the other.  While I'm hardly an expert and have only officially been a dad for fifteen days, here are a few thoughts that have come to my mind as I've chewed on what this means.

It's a Boy!

Welcome to the world, EPHRAIM LOUIS HALL!

Our first child was a healthy baby boy born Friday, January 13, here in Richmond, Virginia.  Ephraim weighed 7 pounds, 11.5 ounces, with a length of 21 inches.  After Ephraim was past his due date, the doctor said we needed to induce labor.  The whole induction and labor process took three days, and labor itself was over 36 hours.  My wife Olivia is a real warrior!

"Is not Ephraim my dear son,

the child in whom I delight?

Though I often speak against him,

I still remember him.

Therefore my heart yearns for him;

I have great compassion for him,"

declares the LORD.

(Jeremiah 31:20)

We named him Ephraim ("fruitful") for several reasons:


(1) We want our home to be a godly home where the peace, love, and joy of the gospel bear fruit.  Throughout the Bible, the godly home is portrayed as one of fecundity, fruitfulness, and blessing (see Psalm 128).


(2) As we raise our son in the discipline and instruction of the Lord (Eph. 6:4), we pray that he will become someone who trusts in the Lord and delights in his law, and so never fails to bear the fruits of Christlike character (Psalm 1; Jeremiah 17:7-8; Galatians 5:22-23).



(3) Throughout the Bible, Ephraim (Israel) is the wayward child of God, his faithless people.  But God couldn't forsake his beloved child, after whose heart he yearns (see Jeremiah 31:20 above and the entire book of Hosea).  The name Ephraim is a reminder to us to keep God's persistent, unfailing love at the center of our parenting.  Rather than jinxing our child with such a name (which is faulty superstition based on fear, not faith), the more we keep the gospel central and let it shape how we treat this child, the more likely it will be that he too will fall in love with his God.

You and Your Household Will Be Saved

While we wait for our child to be born any day now (seriously, kid, would you get a move on?), I'm finding particular encouragement for parenting through the "household" accounts in Acts (10:44-48; 11:12-18; 16:15, 30-34; 18:8), 1 Corinthians (1:14-16; 16:15), and 2 Timothy (1:16).

"And [Cornelius] told us how he had seen an angel stand in his house and say, 'Send to Joppa and bring Simon who is called Peter; he will declare to you a message through which you will be saved, you and all your household." (Acts 11:13-14)

"Then [the jailer] brought [Paul and Silas] out and said, 'Sirs, what must I do to be saved?' And they said, 'Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved, you and your household.'" (Acts 16:30-31)

It's amazing how many households, that is, families, all came to faith in Christ in one fell swoop. The New Testament records at least five examples of this happening: the households of Cornelius (Acts 10:44-48; 11:12-18), Lydia (Acts 16:15), the Philippian jailer (Acts 16:30-34), Crispus (Acts 18:8; 1 Cor. 1:14), Stephanas (1 Cor. 1:16; 16:15), and perhaps Gaius (1 Cor. 1:14). In fact, in every NT narrative where a Gentile convert's household was present, the entire family was baptized (presumably they all trusted Christ or assented to discipleship).* (Perhaps I'll write more later about the relevance of household baptisms for present-day practice.)

What's even more stunning is that twice someone is given the explicit assurance that through the gospel message their whole family would be saved (see Acts 11:14 and 16:31 above). There is no way around these passages: the men were personally told that through belief in the gospel their households too would be saved. Not could be saved if perhaps they believed. "You will be saved, you and your household." Of course these people weren't saved apart from faith in any automatic fashion by belonging to the family of a godly person. But I'm encouraged by what Cornelius and the jailer do: They hear the offer of salvation through Jesus Christ and the assurance that the gospel would be powerful and effective for their loved ones, and then they bring the bearer of that message (Peter, or Paul and Silas) into their homes to share the good news of Christ with their families there. And lo and behold, their families believed too.

Expecting

It's said of pregant women that they're "expecting." As Olivia and I have journeyed through our first pregnancy together--now at thirty-eight weeks--most of this season of expectation has seemed distant to me, far off. Maybe it's because those forty weeks seemed like such a long time. Or perhaps it's because I didn't actually have a needy human growing inside me, using me as a punching bag. Either way, judging by my slow pace of preparation, I don't think I was really expecting the baby to really arrive!

But now that Olivia is considered "full term," we realize that labor could begin at any moment. With every one of her body's practice contractions, we wonder, Could this be it? It's both scary and yet exciting.

As Advent wraps up and Christmas draws near, the any-day-now reality of our child's entrance into this world has made me think of the appearing of another son, Jesus, the Son of God and Son of Man.

At that time the Son of Man will appear in the sky, and all the nations of the earth will mourn. They will see the Son of Man coming on the clouds of the sky, with power and great glory. And he will send his angels with a loud trumpet call, and they will gather his elect from the four winds, from one end of the heavens to another. . . .

No one knows about that day of hour, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father. . . . Therefore keep watch, because you do not know on what day your Lord will come. But understand this: If the owner of the house had known at what time of night the thief was coming, he would not have let his house be broken into. So you also must be ready, because the Son of Man will come at an hour when you do not expect him. (Matthew 24:30-31, 36, 42-44)

The imminent arrival of our child has caused me enough trembling; how much more that of the King and Judge of the universe? Do we really expect him to come at any day or hour? Or do we believe it's still something far off, for which we can prepare later?

And yet for those like us who call Jesus King in this life, his coming is good news: "When all these things begin to take place, stand up and lift up your heads, because your redemption is drawing near" (Luke 21:28). Amen! Come, Lord Jesus.

Hope for a Dad-To-Be

The school year is only two weeks old*, yet with devoting two hours plus each day to cross country, I'm already finding myself falling behind. As such, it's easy for me to get freaked out about the difficulties of becoming a parent amid "real life." (In case you don't know, we're expecting our first child in early January, Lord willing.) But the truth is that there has never been a single parent who didn't live in a messy, pressure-laden, sin-filled world. Everyone has had to work to put bread on the table, to trust that the heavens will rain at the right time, to strain to find the energy to keep going, and to fight the battle (both within and without) to live wisely and nobly. That's true of all God's saints too.

I often think about how much easier it would be amid a tiring schedule to settle for the path of rearing well-groomed kids who are well-behaved yet whose righteousness is only skin deep--"whitewashed tombs, which outwardly appear beautiful, but within are full of dead people's bones and all uncleanness" (Matthew 23:27). The vigilance, time, involvement, patience, prayer, instruction, reproof, and encouragement needed to shepherd their hearts and to guide them to the cross will be so great. When Olivia and I are tired, frustrated at our lack of control, or ashamed of our kids' behavior, it would be so much easier to meet their neediness and stubbornness with anger and irritability or cheap rewards--or give up in complacence and defeat--than to press on another day in hope that the Lord will faithfully be at work in their lives.

But God will have none of that! As I've been reading Hosea and Proverbs, God has been showing me how he justly and consistently disciplines his wayward children while continuing to pursue them in tender, consuming compassion. "How can I give you up, O Ephraim? How can I hand you over, O Israel?" (Hosea 11:8). Because he has created marriage, in large measure, for the sake of raising godly children (Malachi 2:15), he has delegated his own authority to parents. And because he has given us this authority in his image to rule, lead, teach, and guide our children as he does his own people, he will empower and teach us to be parents like him: sober-minded and watchful, consistent in discipline, faithful in presence, patient in hope, fervent in love, speaking truth and wisdom to transform the heart.

But the steadfast love of the LORD is from everlasting to everlasting upon those who fear him, and his righteousness to [their] children's children. (Psalm 103:17)

"And as for me, this is my covenant with them [those who receive the Redeemer and turn from transgression]," says the LORD: "My Spirit that is upon you, and the words that I have put in your mouth, shall not depart out of your mouth, or out of the mouth of your offspring, or out of the mouth of your children's offspring," say the LORD, "from this time forth and forevermore." (Isaiah 59:21)
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*I actually posted this on September 15. For some reason Blogger tags the date the first time I write anything at all on a post.