I remember hearing someone lament a while back that in present-day America, we no longer have any sort of rite by which a boy is declared a man (or, similarly perhaps, by which a girl becomes a woman). Perhaps this lack of affirmation or guidance has led many youth to find "manhood" in sexual exploits or gangs. In others it might be manifested in the continuation of adolescence well into one's twenties: still living at home, watching sports and movies all the time, playing video games, failure to hold a steady job; or wanting your whole life to look like some rapper's exploits on MTV.
A few themes have stuck out to me about what real maturity or adulthood is made of. These are things I've mostly learned myself as I've grown to my nearly twenty-eight years of age. Others I've learned from spending forty hours per week with teenagers who think they're mature and wise but are often far from it. So what makes an adult?
1. The willingness to do whatever is necessary right now, whether you like it or not. Getting up at 5:30 A.M. is not fun. Neither is cleaning the house or foregoing a television show for the sake of being prepared for the next day at school. It also might be inconvenient to have to drop everything and make an important phone call to the bank. But perhaps the biggest thing I've learned about being an adult is that when something's important and needs to get done, you just do it. No one is going to be watching your back, urging you, "Did you pay that bill today?" and no one is going to be there to clean up your messes. This is where the responsibility rubber meets the road.
2. The ability to think and plan long-range instead of seeking immediate gratification. It's common to view teenagers as reckless kids who think they cannot die; and perhaps that's true. But what is pretty evident to me is that many teens have little or no long-range vision for what they wish to do in life and how their decisions today will influence their futures. How many people would honestly pursue casual sexual relationships outside of marriage if they thought about what life would be like with an STD or with a child? How many kids goof off in school only to find that they can't get into college and can't get a job with a salary or benefits? How many would spend hundreds of dollars per month on clothing, food, or hairstyles instead of paying off debts, saving it, or investing it? We live seventy, eighty, or ninety years, and having to struggle for decades because of what seemed like a good idea for a moment is no wise way.
3. Finding internal pleasure and pride from long-term, patient achievement in the face of obstacles. In a culture that encourages immediacy in nearly all things (microwave ovens, high-speed Internet, "in-depth news coverage" that is little more than a headline with a few sound bites) it's nearly impossible for some people to imagine doing something that takes a long time. Television shows have shortened our attention span so that family problems are neatly resolved within the space of 23 minutes of programming. Everything is quick, and it had better be enjoyable right now (#2). This comes back to bite me every day in class when I hear students complain "This reading/writing/whatever is too much work!" or the teacher's worst nightmare, "When am I ever going to need to know this? I'm not going to be a scientist!" I love the challenge of learning. It sucks to feel like a failure or less than perfect in the middle of things--be it writing a paper for a class I'm taking, working out an issue with my wife, training for an 8k race, or figuring out how to improve my teaching--but knowing that I've accomplished something challenging provides a source of satisfaction. Many of my students give up when an assignment poses difficulties for them, or they put forth little effort so that it won't reflect poorly on their self-image when they fail. But not only are they missing out on a chance for pride and joy; they're also failing to develop the persistence and patient endurance that are necessary for the obstacles in life that will inevitably come: relational strains, arguments, poor working conditions or unemployment, financial duress, etc.
4. Acknowledging that you are not the center of the world, and that your well-being really demands that you seek the welfare and interests of others. Jean Piaget and other cognitive psychologists have long noted that greater awareness of other people and elements in the world is a factor that develops as one ages. This is only natural. But there's another type of awareness that demands accountability, respect, compassion, and love. Some people remain totally self-seeking, fixed on their own interests alone and indifferent or even callous toward others; others reach out but remain myopic in their worldview. Neither allows real maturity. The sooner we recognize that we really do depend on and benefit from others for life and happiness--others whom our words and actions can seriously grieve and injure--the sooner we can move on toward a healthy and whole life. I think this is why marriage and children really sober a person and knock him out of any delusion of independence. I've already become keenly aware of how little others factored into my decision making until I began dating Olivia. Now that we're married, that has been amped up several degrees. Everything I do and say affects her; we're "one flesh" (Genesis 2:24). I cannot even imagine what this will be like if and when we are blessed with children.
St. Paul said that when he became a man, he left behind his childish ways (1 Corinthians 13:11). What else do you think makes for an adult? What are other "childish ways" to grow out of?
Showing posts with label wisdom. Show all posts
Showing posts with label wisdom. Show all posts
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Big Answer to Prayer
"They will tell of the power of your awesome works,
and I will proclaim your great deeds.
They will celebrate your abundant goodness
and joyfully sing of your righteousness."
(Psalm 145:6-7)
In this spirit I want to make public a big answer to prayer for which my wife Olivia and I are really thankful.
Since moving to Richmond Olivia had not been able to find a full-time teaching job. She has begun working part-time at a local Christian preschool--a job which she enjoys a lot. But that wasn't elementary school teaching, what she really wants to do. Two months of job searching yielded no real fruit. But then a week ago she had interviewed for and was offered two jobs: (1) The first was a special education aide job for thirty hours per week all year long in Henrico County. The hourly pay wasn't stupendous, and Olivia wouldn't really be teaching per se, but it would be a consistent paycheck all year long. (2) The second was a two-week-long substitute teaching job for a friend of ours in Hanover County. This job was high paying daily and offered the possibility of find more work later in the year, but it was only two weeks' worth of guaranteed work. It would also allow Olivia to actually teach.
For us it seemed like a really difficult choice. Olivia had to make a decision by the next morning (Tuesday, Oct. 6). We were pretty stressed over it, but we knew we really needed to be thanking God for even having a stressful choice between two jobs in the first place! She had gone from total unemployment to a fun part-time job and two viable job offers in just a few weeks.
As we talked and prayed late into the night last Monday, what became increasingly clear to me was not that we should ask God for something to tip the scales in favor of one job over the other. Rather, we needed to pray in the knowledge that no job is a "guarantee," and having a stable budget is not what brings us security (Luke 12:1-34). God our Father is our sovereign provider, not any job or school. We decided to scrap praying for clarity regarding the job choice and rather for greater trust in God to be with us and to uphold us, for faith in and dependence upon him each day and week for our vitality. We asked God also that no matter which job we chose, that Olivia would work wholeheartedly and that I would support her as best as I can.
As we prayed this--which wasn't easy, but it's what we needed and what honored God the most--it also seemed clearer to me that God has given us our work as a vocation to enjoy. I wanted Olivia to have the freedom to do what she thrives at, which in this case we thought would be the long-term sub job. Plus taking this two-week job would both allow and demand that God open more doors for future jobs, rather than leaving us in a "secure" but inflexible position. So in the end this is what we decided upon.
On Tuesday morning Olivia accepted that job and then had another interview for a second long-term sub job in Hanover County: and this time a three-month-long one. She got offered that job, too! This is a huge gift from God, a big boost to our income, and a relieving confirmation to Olivia that she is a good teacher. God met our prayers and honored our desire to put trust in him to lead us through the dark instead of wanting to have all our circumstances organized and clear.
Thanks be to God for his lovingkindness toward us and his bereket in our lives!*
______________
*Bereket is one of my favorite words. It's Turkish for "blessing," "fullness," or "abundance."
and I will proclaim your great deeds.
They will celebrate your abundant goodness
and joyfully sing of your righteousness."
(Psalm 145:6-7)
In this spirit I want to make public a big answer to prayer for which my wife Olivia and I are really thankful.
Since moving to Richmond Olivia had not been able to find a full-time teaching job. She has begun working part-time at a local Christian preschool--a job which she enjoys a lot. But that wasn't elementary school teaching, what she really wants to do. Two months of job searching yielded no real fruit. But then a week ago she had interviewed for and was offered two jobs: (1) The first was a special education aide job for thirty hours per week all year long in Henrico County. The hourly pay wasn't stupendous, and Olivia wouldn't really be teaching per se, but it would be a consistent paycheck all year long. (2) The second was a two-week-long substitute teaching job for a friend of ours in Hanover County. This job was high paying daily and offered the possibility of find more work later in the year, but it was only two weeks' worth of guaranteed work. It would also allow Olivia to actually teach.
For us it seemed like a really difficult choice. Olivia had to make a decision by the next morning (Tuesday, Oct. 6). We were pretty stressed over it, but we knew we really needed to be thanking God for even having a stressful choice between two jobs in the first place! She had gone from total unemployment to a fun part-time job and two viable job offers in just a few weeks.
As we talked and prayed late into the night last Monday, what became increasingly clear to me was not that we should ask God for something to tip the scales in favor of one job over the other. Rather, we needed to pray in the knowledge that no job is a "guarantee," and having a stable budget is not what brings us security (Luke 12:1-34). God our Father is our sovereign provider, not any job or school. We decided to scrap praying for clarity regarding the job choice and rather for greater trust in God to be with us and to uphold us, for faith in and dependence upon him each day and week for our vitality. We asked God also that no matter which job we chose, that Olivia would work wholeheartedly and that I would support her as best as I can.
As we prayed this--which wasn't easy, but it's what we needed and what honored God the most--it also seemed clearer to me that God has given us our work as a vocation to enjoy. I wanted Olivia to have the freedom to do what she thrives at, which in this case we thought would be the long-term sub job. Plus taking this two-week job would both allow and demand that God open more doors for future jobs, rather than leaving us in a "secure" but inflexible position. So in the end this is what we decided upon.
On Tuesday morning Olivia accepted that job and then had another interview for a second long-term sub job in Hanover County: and this time a three-month-long one. She got offered that job, too! This is a huge gift from God, a big boost to our income, and a relieving confirmation to Olivia that she is a good teacher. God met our prayers and honored our desire to put trust in him to lead us through the dark instead of wanting to have all our circumstances organized and clear.
Thanks be to God for his lovingkindness toward us and his bereket in our lives!*
Our fascination with the will of God often betrays our lack of trust in God's promises and provision. We don't just want his word that he will be with us; we want him to show us the end from the beginning and prove to us that he can be trusted.
. . . We must renounce our sinful desire to know the future and be in control. We are not gods. We walk by faith, not by sight. We risk because God does not risk. We walk into the future in God-glorifying confidence, not because the future is known to us but because it is known to God. And that's all we need to know.
*Bereket is one of my favorite words. It's Turkish for "blessing," "fullness," or "abundance."
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Light for the Journey
As Olivia and I prepare for our move to Richmond, Virginia, at the end of July, we've had to reckon with the fact that we'll need to find a new church--together. Which church will be not only the place for me, but the place for us? Of course, being somewhat fearful and prone to worry, this causes me all kinds of consternation: All churches are not alike; how shall we choose? Being a matter of contention and difference (though an important and practical one, I believe), baptism has occupied a lot of my thoughts, studies, and worries lately. What does it mean? What does baptism do? How should it be conducted? Who are the proper recipients? It's enough to drive even a person crazy! And all the more for me because, as a "J" on the Myers-Briggs type inventory, I have to have closure on something conceptual before I can confidently live it out. "It is not good to have zeal without knowledge!" is often my theme (Proverbs 19:2).*
But amid all the madness, my wise wife has had the guts and grace to keep me on the right track. She lovingly reminded me that to discern God's "will of direction" for our lives--including which church to join--is simply a matter of loving God with all our hearts and minds and being obedient to what light he has clearly given us already (cf. Deuteronomy 29:29; Philippians 3:15-16).** Included in the New Covenant is the promise that because God is for us, he guides us. We will hear his Spirit saying, "This is the way; walk in it" (Isaiah 30:21). This passage in Isaiah doesn't show some magic, mystical path like a labyrinthian British garden. Rather, it's a path of wisdom and worship, that is, fear-of-the-Lord (see v. 22). To know God's direction for our lives is simply to know what it means to love and serve him and our neighbors wholeheartedly.
The tricky thing is that this walking on this "way" of discipleship requires faith. The well-worn psalm lauds God's written Word as "a lamp to my feet and a light for my path" (Psalm 119:105). Of course, walking with a lamp to my feet doesn't illuminate a whole lot. I know where to place my foot next, but that's about it. Should I be afraid of what I cannot see? of a future which is uncertain? No. For though it is unknown and uncertain to us, it is known and certain to our loving Father who holds our lives in his hands. What he desires of us is to love him and walk in obedience to what we already know; and the rest he will reveal to us and teach us in his due time as is needed. "And if on some point you think differently, that too God will make clear to you. Only let us live up to what we have already attained" (Philippians 3:15b-16).
I want to have all things certain and known; I want them comfortable. In other words, I do not want to live as a servant under God's lordship, with him in control. But as God's good pleasure and purpose is "to bring about the obedience of faith," he is fully committed to teaching his people what they need to know in order to do his will--even if he may choose to do so only on the spot, just a step ahead of time.
_______________________
*I previously wrote on this here.
**"Will of direction" is a term I heard from Kevin DeYoung. His new book Just Do Something is an excellent place to start for anyone wanting to know what it means to "find God's will for your life." I haven't read all of it, but the sermon series from which it sprang has been a big influence in my life.
But amid all the madness, my wise wife has had the guts and grace to keep me on the right track. She lovingly reminded me that to discern God's "will of direction" for our lives--including which church to join--is simply a matter of loving God with all our hearts and minds and being obedient to what light he has clearly given us already (cf. Deuteronomy 29:29; Philippians 3:15-16).** Included in the New Covenant is the promise that because God is for us, he guides us. We will hear his Spirit saying, "This is the way; walk in it" (Isaiah 30:21). This passage in Isaiah doesn't show some magic, mystical path like a labyrinthian British garden. Rather, it's a path of wisdom and worship, that is, fear-of-the-Lord (see v. 22). To know God's direction for our lives is simply to know what it means to love and serve him and our neighbors wholeheartedly.
The tricky thing is that this walking on this "way" of discipleship requires faith. The well-worn psalm lauds God's written Word as "a lamp to my feet and a light for my path" (Psalm 119:105). Of course, walking with a lamp to my feet doesn't illuminate a whole lot. I know where to place my foot next, but that's about it. Should I be afraid of what I cannot see? of a future which is uncertain? No. For though it is unknown and uncertain to us, it is known and certain to our loving Father who holds our lives in his hands. What he desires of us is to love him and walk in obedience to what we already know; and the rest he will reveal to us and teach us in his due time as is needed. "And if on some point you think differently, that too God will make clear to you. Only let us live up to what we have already attained" (Philippians 3:15b-16).
I want to have all things certain and known; I want them comfortable. In other words, I do not want to live as a servant under God's lordship, with him in control. But as God's good pleasure and purpose is "to bring about the obedience of faith," he is fully committed to teaching his people what they need to know in order to do his will--even if he may choose to do so only on the spot, just a step ahead of time.
_______________________
*I previously wrote on this here.
**"Will of direction" is a term I heard from Kevin DeYoung. His new book Just Do Something is an excellent place to start for anyone wanting to know what it means to "find God's will for your life." I haven't read all of it, but the sermon series from which it sprang has been a big influence in my life.
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