An Abundance for Every Good Deed

I've been thinking a lot about fear and provision the past few weeks (see the previous two posts). One consistent lesson I've been learning is that fear reveals our answers to these related questions: Whose kingdom am I living in? Whom am I trying to exalt? Who is calling the shots around here?

I know that might sound weird, but hear me out. When it comes to fear in this life--fear of death and the next life might be something different--aren't we often afraid of the loss of something because we think we need that thing to live a happy, fulfilled life? My latest snags have been a fear of how we could live on a low income, and a fear (or perhaps frustration) that I'll never be good enough at my job to earn some kind of positive recognition and accolades. In other words, what I really want is to have our own home, to be able to pursue graduate school or seminary (to feel knowledgeable and competent?), and to have some tangible affirmation that I'm not just some mediocre teacher and coach good enough to hang onto his job, but someone who excels. If these things don't come my way, or something threatens their arrival, then I start fearing failure and all the question marks of what life is going to look like down the road. What would it be like to rent my whole life long? Will I be ineffective in serving the church without more education?

The real problem, I think, is that I'm viewing my own desires and wants as what I really need. Without knowing it, I confuse "God's will for my life" with my own picture of how I think things should work. Then when my picture of life is threatened or doesn't come about, I'll twist that into believing God isn't really meeting my needs or isn't able or doesn't listen to me, so then I feel like life is out of (my) control. When God is at my beck and call, life is great. But when he's not, that turns into either grumbling or panic.

This is just what the Israelites did in the wilderness. They longed for meat, fish, cucumbers, melons, leeks, onions, and garlic--their own idea of real provision from God--when they were oblivious to the manna God faithfully sent them every day. "There is nothing but this manna to look at!" (Num. 11:4-6). They wanted "the good life" now when in fact they hadn't yet entered the Promised Land. They wanted rest and prosperity when they were still sojourners and pilgrims. Believing then that the Lord was against them (read: he wasn't their servant), they concluded that God had ditched them to die in the wilderness (14:1-4), when in fact God was giving them all they needed. However, it was according to his own terms, with the purpose of testing their hearts and refining their trust in him (Deut. 8:1-3). This is why the godly men Caleb and Joshua equated fear of failure with rebellion against the Lord (Num. 14:9, 11-12).

Our fear doesn't come because life is actually out of control. It's simply shows that it's out of our control. It's not enough for us to know that whatever we have or don't have, it's because God ordained it to be so. We want to have it our own way, on our terms. So we accuse God of being unjust, or playing favorites, or hiding himself, or whatever. Fear is just God knocking out our throne from under us so that we can rest on the infinitely more expansive and solid foundation of his throne.

The fact is, God will never fail to provide for us what we need to obey him and to do his will. "Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the whole duty of man" (Eccles. 12:13). Our fear is transformed to trust only once we recognize that our purpose in life isn't to reign over our own little kingdoms, but to live as servants of our heavenly King. "And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that having all sufficiency in everything, you may have an abundance for every good deed" (2 Cor. 9:8 NASB). Notice that word sufficiency. God gives us what we need. And he gives it abundantly for doing good deeds that result in his praise (vv. 11-15). "God is faithful, and will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you maybe able to endure it" (1 Cor. 10:13). God will provide what we need for doing his will and obeying him in the moment he calls us to do it. But if we have other desires for life on our terms apart from what God says is necessary, why should we expect him to open his wallet and shell out for those? He isn't into funding his rivals' campaigns.

This is why Jesus teaches us to pray first, "Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name. Your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven." Only when we have subordinated our desires to his can we then pray rightly, "Give us this day our daily bread" (Matt. 6:9-10).

So if in the end our finances only allow us to rent, then it's because God wants us to rent, and we'll be able to do whatever he asks us to do from our meager apartment. If I can't afford seminary, then he's simply calling me to be faithful in serving others with the knowledge and skills I already have, and I need to be content with that. If I don't receive accolades at work, then he's not calling me to live in the limelight; he's just calling me to be faithful and do my best and receive my praise from him alone. If our children don't end up being athletic, good-looking, intelligent, and popular, that's fine. Even if they're brace-faced Trekkies on the robotics team, God's calling me to recognize that what matters is their character and their love for him, and that I love these kids with all my heart and not some out-there ideal.